A Secret...

I guess everyone has them.

Secrets.

I've decided to air mine... my big secret and one that has eaten away at me for years. I'm a big girl now and it's time to act like one, so I've decided to share my secret with the world.

I can't...

...tie knots.

I can create knots without problem. I can gather wool from knitting, or string, or spaghetti, or even the garden hose and somehow create a knot, an impass that even God can't undo. Yet... when I try to orchestrate the movement of a piece of string or rope or even a shoelace... I hopelessly fail.

I remember as a small child, my father kneeling in front of me and putting a shoe on each foot. He patiently showed me how to tie the shoelaces in a bow. First on me, then on him.

"See," he'd say, "like this."

Only I didn't see and neither did he. If he showed me on my own feet, it was always upside down for me and if he showed me on his shoes, it was always backwards for me. When you are five, these things are important.

For years I bore the laughter of my school friends but I remember my dad watching over me, encouraging me to tie one on.  As an adult, I did want to tie one on... every time I had to tie a shoelace.

As I grew older I joined a girl scout specialty group called Sea Cadets. My family were avid boating people, noting that they didn't boat avids but rather they avidly boated. My two brothers both belonged to the male version of the same group and I too, wanted the distinction of belonging to this elite group.

I learned that all avid boaters are not created equal. Some were meant to be avid while others were meant to sit on the deck with a Margarita.

The thing about Sea Cadets, and Girl Scouts in general, is more than just cookies. They are both big on knots. I knew I was in trouble the first day... we were expected to wear a light blue uniform with a dark blue tie and tie's... require a knot.

Sea Cadets measure achievement with badges. To earn a badge you must complete successfully, a designated activity. Other cadets sported badges up and down their arms, boldly showing their accomplishments. I had yet to earn one.

What blocked my success, my climb up the stairway to Sea Cadet-hood... was that first badge.

It was KNOTS.

Sea Cadets needed to know how to tie lots of knots. It seemed there were hundreds of them. Knots for every occasion and every day of the week. Knots to tie up a boat, to tie up a drunken sailor and even to just tie up. To me, one knot was one too many. 

I was asked to leave.

Later I became involved with horses and again faced the daunting task of knots. Tying a horse is much more complicated than the average shoelace or even a boat. Horse knots need to undo quickly, in case a struggling 1000 pounds of horse doesn't want to be tied up.

Patiently I was instructed, "the rabbit (rope) goes out the hole, across the road, through the woods, over the hill, around the corner and then down the hole again." Yeah... right... my rabbits never made it across the road.

I learned that horses in real life are not like their movie counterparts. Real life horses won't just stand there, waiting for you... they run away!

In the movies cowboy's mosie up to a hitch rail and loop the reins over the rail. They don't tie knots... EVER! There can be a stagecoach roaring by or a gunfight in the street and yet the cowboy never ties them up. In real life the horse can't get away fast enough. If you don't tie 'em up you chase 'em down the street.

So-o what's the deal with the movies? Why don't cowboy's tie knots with those reins?

I began to wonder.

AH HAA!

Cowboys can't tie knots either! I wasn't alone in my affliction.

So there... Sea Cadets! If the icon of the American west can't tie a knot then I'm in good company. In fact, this is the 21st century... who needs knots! 

Arise everyone who is knot challenged! Arise and let us all use Velcro! 

Oh-h by the way, did any of you see my horse?

Rehab Anyone...

Rehab Anyone...

Ok I admit it.

I have tried to hide it for years but now... I admit it. I am coming clean.

I am one of those people, those very special people who... twitch their toes! I am a Toe Twitching-aholic.

It started in my infancy...  "Oh how cute" my aunties would exclaim, everyone oooo-ing and ahh-ing when I did it. The truth is... it isn't. Babies can get away with this abnormal behavior... adults even tweek the twitching toes, but a life of pain awaits.

For years I've tried to hide the fact that my toes twitch. I wear shoes. What goes on in shoes... stays in shoes. Plastic, canvas, patent or leather sheltered my feet and hid my toe twitching. I lived in fear of sandals... fearing exposure but now I'm coming out of the closet and away from the shoe rack.

It would be one thing if the world recognized that this is a disease and not a choice. It would be another thing if this was something people actually enjoyed. 

BUT no-o-o....

Late night TV shows only asks for stupid pet tricks. Daytime TV only deals with foot fetishes, while Prime time TV only shows dancing feet. The twitchers of the world are left standing out in the cold... toes twitching in helpless frustration.

In truth, I actually thought that I had outgrown my affliction. I thought that I was free of this mystery movement but late one evening, or rather early one morning, it came back to haunt me.

It was around 3 am when I awoke from a deep and rather erotic dream... screaming. Not the good kind of screaming, as from the activities of that erotic dream, but the other kind of screaming... from pain.

Seems my toe twitching caught the eye of my cat, who was a toe twitching hunter extraordinaire.

After I pried her teeth from my toe, I returned to sleep but never again did I sleep with the same sort of comfort. For in the back of my mind, amidst the cobwebs and dust of little use, I knew.

I knew that my toes would twitch again. I knew that my cat would be waiting... again.

I wonder if out there somewhere... there is a Toe Twitchers rehab just waiting for the likes of me. Who knows... maybe amidst the pain and suffering I could learn to improve my golf swing, get some autographs and meet some politicians. Hmmmmmm maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way... I could be Toe Twitching with the stars!

Rehab anyone!!!!?

Memories, fact or fiction...

Memories, Fact Or Fiction

Yesterday I spent the day looking at pictures. Old pictures from almost a million years ago... or so it seemed, as these photos were before the Internet.

I was one of those people who always planned on getting organized and put my photos in an album. I was also one of those people who never did. My photo storage consisted of a big cardboard box. I've always been big on boxes.

I even had lofty goals of scanning and filing in photo programs I bought, I've always been big on photo programs, but I never did. I was always too busy on the Internet.

I sorted through the box, looking at the fading photos, creating piles. I'm big on piles. Each pile pertaining to some aspect of the past. 

I was looking for photos to illustrate stories in my other blog. I'm working on being big on blogs.  http://www.amostunlikelycowgirl.blogspot.com

That's when I learned that my memories and my photos... 

...well, they didn't always agree.

Each photo I picked up evoked a long, thought induced trip back in time. Ahhh yes... I remember I'd sigh... deep in reverie, but then I'd look at the picture and I was wrong. I sometimes had people in different locations or locations with different people.

Hey what gives?

My memory and the photo facts were at odds and in some cases, at war.

So what was really true? I'm big on truth.

The more I thought about it the more I realized a fact. Pictures are static chronicles of a single moment in time... memories are a collection of photo moments, all woven together in a colorful storyboard and some of those storyboards are for cartoons. (I'm big on cartoons.) Like the Panorama photo programs for your computer, sometimes things get blended or smudged to make the final product.

So my memories were... smudged. I'm not big on smudged.

As I looked at the fading pictures I remembered both the moment and the memories. 

I remembered the moment in sharp detail (like wearing glasses) and then the memories in a warm glow (like having that 2nd glass of wine). Each in its own way poignant. 

I remembered the people and how they once were (I was thin and didn't use Clairol), some moved away, some passed but all forever captured in memory. I remembered places which have so changed over the years (before it became a 4-lane), I remembered the kids who were now grown (when they were little and cute), I remembered the clothes (yes we actually wore that), the music (it's not noise), the cars (big fins rule!) and I remembered... the times.

My simple job of getting a few photos became an all day event as I traveled through time. It was the best trip of my life and one in which I didn't need reservations, plane tickets or a change of clothes... and yes, I really was that thin! I'm big on that.

The Best Place On Earth...

Do you know what the most incredible, wonderful place on earth is?

Your own bed.

Where else are you lord of your world? Where else are you rested, refreshed and spiritually at one with the universe at the same time.

There is no other bed like yours. You may be in the finest hotel or the sexiest of boudoirs but really, can you sleep in the same way you do at home?

No.

The most incredible, wonderful place on earth IS your bed and no matter where you are in the universe, you can't wait to get back to it. Millions have been spent on creating comfortable sleep arrangements for astronauts... and still they can't wait to get home and their own beds. Millions more have been spent by hotels creating the finest sleeping atmosphere...and yet we all can't wait to get home. Why... because there is no place like your own bed.

But all bed time is not created equal. There is play time, reading time and of course sleep time, but the best time of all is... those few moments before you have to get up. That is when the bed... your bed... is the warmest, softest and most inviting place on earth... or even off the earth. It is a place you never want to leave. A place you really don't want to share and a place you can't get enough of, your bed is bliss.

It is one of life's ironies that in order to appreciate our bed, we must leave it. It is only when we have suffered through other beds and  have been forcibly kept from our own, that we realize just how incredible our bed actually is.

It is truly the best place on earth... now let me go change the sheets.

Shocking News...

Yesterday a friend told me something shocking.

My friend told me he hated cats! I gasped... my heart skipped a beat. I was speechless and for me that is saying a lot!

How could anyone hate an animal, I thought. Then I got real. I was a hypocrite. I do hate animals... some animals. OK I hate one animal.

I hate Hyenas.

I discovered this fact watching Cable TV. Here you learn things you don't want to know... or ever would want to know.

Hyenas are the bad guys of the animal world. The eat anything... oh-h, would they love American fast food. They are vicious and fight anything, often themselves. Wonder if the reality TV show people have thought of them?

They are even rumored to have attempted a coop to take over an African kingdom and remove the rightful lion king.

Wildebeast are supposed to be made from God's leftovers but hyenas are made from a Wildebeast's leftovers. Long hair, short hair, spots, stripes, long snout, big ears and a jaw that can crush a skull are just some of a Hyenas good points. AND... hyenas have an additional fake penis... like the world needs more of those!

I bet not one Hyena will return the ball you throw either. Hyenas will also eat you at the drop of a hat, your hat or anyone else's.

A Hyena's cry is enough to question God's grand hand... it is a combination of yip, yowl, growl, hiccup and yes... laugh. What was God thinking? Who wants to be torn to shreds by something laughing. That is just too cruel.

No thanks.

I'll stick to cats.

There is something about being ignored, manipulated, looked down upon, and treated like a slave, to make a person feel good. No, I'll stick to cats... at least they won't eat you... er... uh... well only if you're dead first.

And there's hairballs... a cats great gift to humans. How could you not love them!!!

Chains...

I get a lot of forwarded emails. It seems I'm on a lot of lists. I thought that I was really popular until I realized that my few friends were all sending me the same forwards. It was an unending chain... but I guess that's the point.

One thing I hate about forwards, is that they are usually letters threatening terrible dire acts if you break the chain. Should you do this in person, you'd end up in jail.

I broke the chain by accident when my first email arrived. I was still new to the internet and without my glasses, delete and send looked alike.

I did survive but I went bald, lost my car keys and my car and am plagued with girl scouts selling cookies.

The forwards still came and the threats became more and more dire, yet still I deleted.

Soon I was bombarded by the denizens of hell. So much so that I've developed a personal relationship with one and let me tell you, the word "devil" doesn't do justice. Ahhhhhhhh.

These forwarded emails contain photos of cute little bunnies, sweet baby animals, adorable children, dolphins and pink pandas. Never do they include politicians... if they did, my decision to delete would be easier. But I do throw it out... I hit delete with glee! Take all your cuteness and....!!!!

My nephew sent me another type of chain email... pass it on he wrote, it's incredible! This is awesome. I tried to explain to him that an autistic 10 year old from Russia could not take photos of kangaroos bounding across the plains, waves crashing on a Polynesian coast, whales mating, lion fish preparing to kill some unwary diver, sky divers over the Grand Canyon... I tried to explain that in order to do so that 10 year old needed to be traveling by submarine and hot air balloon, all while circumnavigating the globe, and doing all this while making a video show for YouTube.

I also have received a lifetime supply of name and address labels and they keep coming. A few years ago I donated money to a charity... to thank me, they sold my name. Now every worthy and not so worthy fund raising group, sends me name and address labels. This is coercion at it's finest...  we sent you labels now you send us money.

If only my bank account were public!

I have more labels than the national debt by 10 fold. I have flowers, bunnies, kittens, more flowers, curly cues, lighthouses, puppies, teddy bears, butterflies, another bunch of flowers, squares, circles, fences, hats, wild animals, more wild animals, baby animals, baby wild animals and I think you get the drift. I have it all... I'd like to send them back but there is not that much money in circulation to cover postage.

Of course if I don't send money... then baby animals will meet horrible untimely deaths...  flowers will be stomped on, children will become delinquents, criminals will remain ones.

If I don't send money the world will end.

Hey-y I watch cable and everyone knows the world is going to end on Dec. 21st, 2012... duh!!!! so why should I worry.

What these people don't realize is... who sends out letters anymore? The world has forgotten how to write... let alone address a letter and mail it. Who needs address labels when you have email. The Post Office is only staving off bankruptcy  because all these organizations keep sending out address labels which come every week, regardless if they receive a donation or not. Hmmmmmm..... maybe the purpose is to pay them to stop.

I don't begrudge the Boy's Town, Girl's Town, Northshore Animal League, Off Shore Animal League, Ivy League, World Wildlife Federation, National Indian Charity, Habitat for Humanity, Habitat for non Humanity, the HSUS, ASPCA, CIA, FDIC, FDA and KFC... making a living but really... they need to get with the program... they need to send chain emails instead.

They are so much easier to delete.

My Secret Weapon...

It was very cold last night... almost freezing (egads cold!) but for some reason that cold made the world seem crisp and clear this morning. The sun is now painting my world a golden glow and has me waxing poetic (as long as it's not waxing the kitchen floor!)

A friend told me yesterday, that she was cleaning her refrigerator. I was aghast!

She said... that things were beginning to "grow."

Stop I shouted! Did she not know? I had to save her but was I in time?

Silly girl, I explained, she should never look closely at what lives in a refrigerator... IF God wanted that inspection He'd have given refrigerators glass doors!

But it is starting to smell she said... I assured her that that would change. Soon she wouldn't notice it at all as her nose became accustomed to the stench.

It's a great place to store your valuable I explained to her, no thief will ever think of looking in the fridge, and if they do, they will never get past the smell.

My own refrigerator is a study in new life forms... talk about science fiction. Forget the final frontier of outer space just look inside. I keep my most important food items on the door, that way I can grab what I need and quickly slam it again to contain the "critters." Sometimes when the locals are particularly rambunctious I have a chair handy to force them back.

Hmmmmm... maybe I should talk to Hollywood.

Eventually the critters do take over and become much to expensive to feed, then I get the garden hose, bleach and mop. Takes only a moment and things are under control again.

Most people, when they hear of my refrigerator program, are concerned about health issues... never fear, my immune system has been bolstered by refrigerator super powers. If I can survive my refrigerator, I can survive anything!

Maybe I should talk with the government. My refrigerator program could create a race of super people that no bio terrorists could ever defeat!

Hey....

Gotta go... I need to call Washington!

Number Four...

In the desert it is always feast and famine.

In this case, when it rains... it RAINS.

Storm number four hit last night. They, the storms, have been coming roughly 24 hours apart and giving us a dousing. Last night it rained... lots of it but we've been in a drought for years, so rain is always welcome.

Four didn't have the wallop of storm number three, and that was a blessing. In fact it was kinda pleasant. The rain was steady and the sound on the roof was soothing and I actually had the best sleep in a long time.

The snow levels were well down the mountains in the morning but the forecasters had called for snow in the valley. Snow is rare here and such a delight to see but if it's lower than 60 degrees in temperature, we all run for an electric blanket and two parkas.

Clouds are scudding across the sky but the sun is out and the day looks mighty fine. Think it's the perfect day for a walk... great for getting those creative juices flowing.

What a difference a day makes

Wow... I'm glad to be here. Yesterday and especially last night, will be one I remember for some time. 

We experienced some "weather"... part of a massive storm which has been pummeling California and then traveling inland. This giant and very savage storm has been hammering Arizona as well.

For the first time in my life, I experienced a regional alert. For years I've seen those testing moments on TV. You know where they say "this is a test of the emergency alert systems"... I tolerated them with some impatience but never ever dreamed I would be warned by one. Last night I was.


The emergency system warned of tornado watches and violent winds up to 80 mph. Now to someone from the mid-west this probably would be a ho-hum event. For those of us in Arizona, it was terrifying. Arizona doesn't get tornados.

Luckily for me, the worst of the storm passed to the north and yes, there was talk of tornado's touching down outside of Phoenix. As I write this, it is still early morning, I don't really know if this was true or not.

In my very early childhood, I was trapped outside during a hurricane. It was so long ago as to be considered history, yet some part of my soul still remembers. For me winds and storms in general, are to be feared. You'd think I'd grow up...

As I look out the window this morning, I wonder what all the fuss was about. Everything looks the same. The trees, the hills and the birds are all where they were yesterday. It is raining but the trees are only blowing, not whipping as yesterday. I guess no matter what, the world goes on.

Oh well, at least today I get to come out from under the bed. It makes typing so much easier.

Here's hoping the sun shines for all.

Creativity

Well today it is a rainy and wind swept day. The trees are bent almost double by the force of the wind and our normally sunny skies are dark grey with low hung clouds. It is the perfect day to blog.

I still have much to learn about blogging but it is challenging and so far great fun as well. I've made two new friends in the last few days and the prospect of talking to like minded people is a fun thought.

I've started a second blog... as if I'm qualified as yet to run one but I did it anyway. This new blog is just going to be an ongoing story that I've always wanted to tell. It is something that has been inside me for some time, I now have found a way to let it free.

My new blog is.... http://www.amostunlikelycowgirl.blogspot.com   (A Most Unlikely Cowgirl) How wonderful to be able to record your thoughts and feelings. How wonderful to be able to tell a story.

I love art in all forms... it really doesn't matter if it's good or bad because it is only your personal taste by which you judge. I often think my own art is totally unworthy, especially when I see others work which seems so much better than mine. The point of all art, at least in my opinion, is to create something which pleases you... the perks of creating art is when you create something that not only pleases you, but others as well.

I am going to let my creative juices flow... in my digital drawings and in my creative tales and while doing so, I'm going to enjoy every moment. I'm going to create art, both in drawings and writings, to please me and to hopefully please all of you as well.

Today's Lesson

Well today I learned about Widgits.

What a wonderful word.... widgits... amazing. I have tried several of the free widgits on my site, just to see what happens. Some worked out and some did not. Mostly I find them amusing and love the fish pond scene which is on the bottom of my site. Wish I was skilled in Flash... then I'd make my own.

The more I get into all this, the more I'm discovering a world of creativity beyond my imaginings... it truly is an incredible place.

Learning the ropes

Well this is day two of my blog experience. I am still learning but the experience is fun. Looking at how others create their sites has shown me that this learning process may be long. Just how do they create such wonderful looking pages?

Looks to me like I have a lot more looking to do... and then some doing!

A New Beginning

This is a first for me... a blog, and with it a step into the future.

It is also an opportunity to reveal my thoughts, my interests, and my passions to myself first and then to the world. A new decade is before me and with it the time to let my creativity be free! 

So hello world... this is me!