Chains...

I get a lot of forwarded emails. It seems I'm on a lot of lists. I thought that I was really popular until I realized that my few friends were all sending me the same forwards. It was an unending chain... but I guess that's the point.

One thing I hate about forwards, is that they are usually letters threatening terrible dire acts if you break the chain. Should you do this in person, you'd end up in jail.

I broke the chain by accident when my first email arrived. I was still new to the internet and without my glasses, delete and send looked alike.

I did survive but I went bald, lost my car keys and my car and am plagued with girl scouts selling cookies.

The forwards still came and the threats became more and more dire, yet still I deleted.

Soon I was bombarded by the denizens of hell. So much so that I've developed a personal relationship with one and let me tell you, the word "devil" doesn't do justice. Ahhhhhhhh.

These forwarded emails contain photos of cute little bunnies, sweet baby animals, adorable children, dolphins and pink pandas. Never do they include politicians... if they did, my decision to delete would be easier. But I do throw it out... I hit delete with glee! Take all your cuteness and....!!!!

My nephew sent me another type of chain email... pass it on he wrote, it's incredible! This is awesome. I tried to explain to him that an autistic 10 year old from Russia could not take photos of kangaroos bounding across the plains, waves crashing on a Polynesian coast, whales mating, lion fish preparing to kill some unwary diver, sky divers over the Grand Canyon... I tried to explain that in order to do so that 10 year old needed to be traveling by submarine and hot air balloon, all while circumnavigating the globe, and doing all this while making a video show for YouTube.

I also have received a lifetime supply of name and address labels and they keep coming. A few years ago I donated money to a charity... to thank me, they sold my name. Now every worthy and not so worthy fund raising group, sends me name and address labels. This is coercion at it's finest...  we sent you labels now you send us money.

If only my bank account were public!

I have more labels than the national debt by 10 fold. I have flowers, bunnies, kittens, more flowers, curly cues, lighthouses, puppies, teddy bears, butterflies, another bunch of flowers, squares, circles, fences, hats, wild animals, more wild animals, baby animals, baby wild animals and I think you get the drift. I have it all... I'd like to send them back but there is not that much money in circulation to cover postage.

Of course if I don't send money... then baby animals will meet horrible untimely deaths...  flowers will be stomped on, children will become delinquents, criminals will remain ones.

If I don't send money the world will end.

Hey-y I watch cable and everyone knows the world is going to end on Dec. 21st, 2012... duh!!!! so why should I worry.

What these people don't realize is... who sends out letters anymore? The world has forgotten how to write... let alone address a letter and mail it. Who needs address labels when you have email. The Post Office is only staving off bankruptcy  because all these organizations keep sending out address labels which come every week, regardless if they receive a donation or not. Hmmmmmm..... maybe the purpose is to pay them to stop.

I don't begrudge the Boy's Town, Girl's Town, Northshore Animal League, Off Shore Animal League, Ivy League, World Wildlife Federation, National Indian Charity, Habitat for Humanity, Habitat for non Humanity, the HSUS, ASPCA, CIA, FDIC, FDA and KFC... making a living but really... they need to get with the program... they need to send chain emails instead.

They are so much easier to delete.