I guess everyone has them.
Secrets.
I've decided to air mine... my big secret and one that has eaten away at me for years. I'm a big girl now and it's time to act like one, so I've decided to share my secret with the world.
I can't...
...tie knots.
I can create knots without problem. I can gather wool from knitting, or string, or spaghetti, or even the garden hose and somehow create a knot, an impass that even God can't undo. Yet... when I try to orchestrate the movement of a piece of string or rope or even a shoelace... I hopelessly fail.
I remember as a small child, my father kneeling in front of me and putting a shoe on each foot. He patiently showed me how to tie the shoelaces in a bow. First on me, then on him.
"See," he'd say, "like this."
Only I didn't see and neither did he. If he showed me on my own feet, it was always upside down for me and if he showed me on his shoes, it was always backwards for me. When you are five, these things are important.
For years I bore the laughter of my school friends but I remember my dad watching over me, encouraging me to tie one on. As an adult, I did want to tie one on... every time I had to tie a shoelace.
As I grew older I joined a girl scout specialty group called Sea Cadets. My family were avid boating people, noting that they didn't boat avids but rather they avidly boated. My two brothers both belonged to the male version of the same group and I too, wanted the distinction of belonging to this elite group.
I learned that all avid boaters are not created equal. Some were meant to be avid while others were meant to sit on the deck with a Margarita.
The thing about Sea Cadets, and Girl Scouts in general, is more than just cookies. They are both big on knots. I knew I was in trouble the first day... we were expected to wear a light blue uniform with a dark blue tie and tie's... require a knot.
Sea Cadets measure achievement with badges. To earn a badge you must complete successfully, a designated activity. Other cadets sported badges up and down their arms, boldly showing their accomplishments. I had yet to earn one.
What blocked my success, my climb up the stairway to Sea Cadet-hood... was that first badge.
It was KNOTS.
Sea Cadets needed to know how to tie lots of knots. It seemed there were hundreds of them. Knots for every occasion and every day of the week. Knots to tie up a boat, to tie up a drunken sailor and even to just tie up. To me, one knot was one too many.
I was asked to leave.
Later I became involved with horses and again faced the daunting task of knots. Tying a horse is much more complicated than the average shoelace or even a boat. Horse knots need to undo quickly, in case a struggling 1000 pounds of horse doesn't want to be tied up.
Patiently I was instructed, "the rabbit (rope) goes out the hole, across the road, through the woods, over the hill, around the corner and then down the hole again." Yeah... right... my rabbits never made it across the road.
I learned that horses in real life are not like their movie counterparts. Real life horses won't just stand there, waiting for you... they run away!
In the movies cowboy's mosie up to a hitch rail and loop the reins over the rail. They don't tie knots... EVER! There can be a stagecoach roaring by or a gunfight in the street and yet the cowboy never ties them up. In real life the horse can't get away fast enough. If you don't tie 'em up you chase 'em down the street.
So-o what's the deal with the movies? Why don't cowboy's tie knots with those reins?
I began to wonder.
AH HAA!
Cowboys can't tie knots either! I wasn't alone in my affliction.
So there... Sea Cadets! If the icon of the American west can't tie a knot then I'm in good company. In fact, this is the 21st century... who needs knots!
Arise everyone who is knot challenged! Arise and let us all use Velcro!
Oh-h by the way, did any of you see my horse?
